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HYPERBLASTER
Lothlorien / £5.95

Roger: Get ready for a thoroughly hyper- yawn experience, because this is nothing but a down-market and down-wind re-work of that lounge bar favourite of yesteryear, Asteroids. Read and then instantly forget the fantasy blurb on the cassette liner, as the game's got virtually nothing to do with "hi-tech galaxy surveillance craft".
If there's anyone left in this universe who isn't familiar with the game format, then tough - I'm not about to bore you all by describing it. It's enough to say that for the sake of 'originality', the victims of player aggression have been named 'Deltanoids'. Their spherical appearance and painful manners, which are alleged to become "more brutal and devious" as infantile skill level rises, should really have attracted the seminal title for games of this ilk, which has to be Hemorrhoids.
And if you haven't got it yet, let's just say this one's guaranteed to give you a meaningful pain in the bottom - especially if you've clawed yourself up to a respectable height on the evolutionary ladder. 1/5

Ron: I thought we killed off Asteroid lookalikes sometime in the dark ages of computing. Will software houses never learn that you can't lump together Asteroids and Arcadia and get away with it! 1/5

David: A pretty good version of Asteroids, but then I'm sure we've all got at least one copy somewhere at home. The graphics get more interesting as you progress the levels 3/5

Roger 1/5
Ron 1/5
David 3/5

Roger Willis, Ron Smith, David Lester